Light is Right

In a more climbing-relevant post, I've decided to share my training secrets in the hopes that they will inspire others to vie for their own personal athletic zeniths. My six-step method goes a little something like this:

1. Turn 30 and whine about all the climbing goals that were 'so much easier' when you were 20 (never mind that you were weaker and dumber then as well). Delude yourself into thinking that you are as impervious to injury as you were back then.

2. Develop a guilt complex about the amount of beer and the incredible number of quesadillas you've consumed in the past six months. Watch a video of yourself failing on a hard boulder problem and realize just how fat you are.

3. Make this guilt the root of an exercise regime that combines starvation with excessively long sessions in the gym and running. The euphoria of malnourishment will quell any doubts, no matter how reasonable they are.

4. Rejoice in being able to see the suggestion of muscles under the rapidly diminishing layer of blubber that coats your stomach, back and everything else. Ignore the constant hunger, tiredness and nagging aches; they are merely testament to your progress. Remember: you don't deserve food.

5. Rather than following a sensible training plan designed by someone who knows what they're talking about, allow intuition to dictate how you structure your climbing sessions. Never mind that your gut feelings, at least in this case, often have little to do with reason and everything to do with blind ambition.

6. Get ripped, send your projects and be a badass: you've earned it. But don't eat that cookie. You haven't earned that.

All joking aside, now is the time to lose the winter ballast, harden up and throw down on some serious gnar. I recommend actually consuming calories while training; it turns out that they're useful for some reason or something.

1 comment:

  1. Drewski, I know you know the truth: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.