8.14.2011

Bla, bla, bla

Despite my general aversion to dwelling on American politics, I couldn't help but take note of the frontrunners for Republican presidential candidate:

Michele Bachmann: Poorly spoken, evangelist Tea Party wingnut; unabashed in her opposition to, well, everything that amounts to a social liberty or program.

Mitt Romney: Former Mormon missionary.

Rick Perry: Some shithead that is also governor of Texas or something.

Ron Paul: Many of his stances seem good from afar: he is against the so-called 'War on Drugs'; he voted against the recent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq; he is somewhat of a contrarian when it comes to status quo Republican politics. There's just one problem: he's an isolationist. Oh: and a religious nut. What does that mean? It means that rather than treating immigration as a reality and working within that reality, he denies its existence and advocates closing and enforcing borders. This smells a lot like Tea Party politics and in fact, Paul is somewhat of a godfather of the Tea Party movement whether he likes it or not. It also means he opposes social freedoms like abortion and same-sex marriage. For everyone who thinks he's cool because he--tacitly at least--advocates legalization of marijuana (for reference, he thinks states should be able to decide): have you learned anything about one-issue voting in the past decade or so?

I'm not sure whether to be amused or worried. With the social climate present in this country, I should probably be worried. Given the way Facebook and Twitter have taken over both our collective consciousness and our vocabulary, people identify with representatives such as Bachmann more and more because, well, they're IDIOTS like her. They understand (dimly) her obfuscating nut-job doublespeak and the polarizing scripts prepared for her by the mercurial aliens that are tugging on her puppet strings and also overseeing this entire experiment that we on Earth call 'politics'.

"Well Cletus, I reckin I ain't remembr a thang them uther folks said, but that Bachman is AGINST ABOURSHUN! God bless! Elsewise how'd we evur have our 18 blessd little ones? Huh?"

Yeah, wouldn't want to prevent any of those bulbs from shining dimly through a sheen of filth and shit, now would we?

I guess you might call me a one-issue voter too because I despise religious nuts, rapacious lunatics and all the ridiculous demagoguery that issues from their bile-ridden, blood-stained rots. Hey, I'm Libertarian too: everyone should be able to do whatever he or she wants as long as it's also what I want! As long as everyone shuts the fuck up and stays off my lawn, I'm a happy God-fearing American. Michele Bachmann can killfuck turkeys to her heart's desire (although it be murder most fowl...mwahahaha); It really wouldn't bother me if she weren't funding the activity with federal agricultural subsidies for her failed family farm in Iowa payed for by...um...our federal income taxes. But alas, I digress into repetition: I've already expressed my disgust at publicly-funded turkey killfucking by our elected representatives. Sigh.

Somehow it would be less insulting if these assholes just admitted that they enjoy bathing in the blood of freshly slain children. If one word that issued from their putrid maws was true, no matter how horrific and disgusting to behold, it would be a real blessing for all of us not to have to hear these ridiculous lies and charades continue ad nauseum, ad infinitum. Oh, and a third party would be nice too. Actually, I'll settle for a true second party. Amen.

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