Nuttin' But Dolla' Dolla' Bills, Yo!

This country...



...is fucked. FUCKED.

We haven't started eating the hearts of freshly slain babies yet, but you can bet that if that were available for a price, assholes would be lining up to pay.

News flash: corporate America is fucking us all in the ass with a multi-trillion dollar dildo, all day and all night. What greatly increases the coital pleasure of the bloated, sub-human piles of rancid blubber who man the financial helm of this country, aside from breaking the necks of turkeys while they fuck them in their cloacas, is that we pay them to fuck us. That's right: our tax dollars ensure that they get to fuck us anytime they please.

This isn't all about shopping at the Supermall for Christmas presents; if you do that, you've probably buggered a couple of dying turkeys yourself. No, what it's really about is WE'RE SCREWED! The US government is transparently in league with these cretins as they auction off national debt and undermine social security so that sympathetic CEOs can maintain the status quo and also make company financed trips to southeast asia so they can rape children. If you haven't guessed it, the CEOs are also...

...wait for it...

...our government officials! Remember Dick Cheney and Halliburton? Now, it would, of course, be downright un-Amurrican to suggest that these financial liaisons are, um, conflicts of interest, because, you know, our country is a seamless union between financial institutions and...


Sorry! Sorry: I was just busy choking on the giant Cock of Doom that has been wielded so effectively against us by the powers that be that we can hardly help but take it from time to time.

So the government takes money from us as taxes, puts some aside into a special account, Social Security, which will later be bankrupted and bled dry to pay off corporate rape vacations, while the rest goes to fund all sorts of useful social services like a non-functional health care system, private security firms that mysteriously take over during disasters (like Blackwater during hurricane Katrina), agricultural subsidies for corn grown using fossil fuels to create ethanol in order to provide an alternative to fossil fuels to put in our American-made flex-fuel SUV's, police forces that are increasingly violent towards the citizens they purport to protect and, of course, the military!

The military: the great symbol of American freedom and independence. Muskets won our freedom from England, so tactical nuclear warheads and satellite-mounted lasers will maintain it, right? Well yeah, so no matter the supposed crisis in our financial system, the defense budget must grow. Could that be because the brass of every company from Lockheed Martin to Coca Cola (because you can bet the military food service has a Coke contract like any other God-fearing food service provider) need the money to take their yearly golf vacation to Dubai where they water the greens with crude oil and the blood of the next seven generations of children born to the world?

Well, let's be real for a minute. The whole thing is a scheme to funnel money into the military, which, being untouchable in terms of their financial needs, is the perfect money laundering venue. It subsequently funnels it to sympathetic industries. Agriculture, weapons R&D, logistics, construction: you name it, there's a place for it on the Good Old Boy's List of Special Pals. Wall Street, the mortgage bubble-pop crisis: mere ruses designed to give the Federal Reserve more control over us financially by increasing our collective debt (via lending to the Federal Government), destabilizing our personal finances and putting us out of work. Hmmm, third world in a first world country, anyone? Endocolonization: this term was coined in the 1980's by a man named Paul Virilio, who called it like it is and described the pattern of power consolidation and financial bloodletting that is occurring...now. And has been, increasingly, over the last 50 years. Think of Eisenhower's ironic speech about the Military Industrial Complex.

BONG! BONG! BONG! That's the death knell being sounded for freedom in this country. We know from places like Sudan that the endpoint is roving marauders in a post-apocalyptic wasteland eating babies and raping everything in sight, so how long before we get there?

We fail. We really do. We are riding on a bloated corpse on a swiftly diminishing sea of oil. When there's no more to burn, we cease to exist as a nation. I can only think of one thing that might help. It's this antiquated word, truly an archaic usage: community. City-dwelling worshippers of Moloch might quaver at the implications: closeness, cooperation, communication on a human level; these things are pure Ipecac to them. But really, what else do we have when we are slowly being reduced to chattel by a system that wants us poor and dead and fucked, not necessarily in that order? We grow our own food and wait for the apocalyptic collapse of society as we know it. Next up: Mad Max!


  1. This is a fairly succinct explanation of what has actually occurred.

  2. Are you saying my explanation wasn't succinct? I'm saying we really need to monitor the number of turkeys killed for sexual gratification purposes by members of congress! With both the money gleaned and the amount of food provided via the processing and sale of those turkeys, we could easily resurrect the middle class and feed the hungry to boot! We just need to get them before they do. DOWN WITH TAXPAYER-FUNDED TURKEY CERVICULOCLOATION!